i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Randomize
