So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
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