had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
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