12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
