I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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