You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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