I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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