I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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