So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Randomize
