like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
