Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
