i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
