I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
