I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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