and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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