sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
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