Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
