My friends, they love my intelligence
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
