I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
