I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
someone owes me an orgasm
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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