ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
