So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
