So drunk, too bad you don't want this
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
