just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
