o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
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