I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize