Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Two words: blizzard sex
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
