U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
