Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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