We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
