Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
