My hair reeks of homosexuality.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize