Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
