and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
