u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
