what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
he shaved USA in his pubs
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Randomize
