when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
