I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
