Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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