i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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