WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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