your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
