Welp...herpes.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
