tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Randomize
