its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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