that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
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