how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
