i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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