You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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