So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
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