I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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