I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
