Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
