I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I'm determined to sit on that face.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
