and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
