I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
