Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
