Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Randomize
