Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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