I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
