i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
