You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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