THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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