I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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