So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
You're a waste of cheezeits
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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