my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
